The North Pole and Santa Claus’s motion to dismiss

The North Pole and Santa Claus, by counsel, respectfully ask the court to dismiss all claims brought against them by P.U. Scrooge pursuant to Rule 12(b)(6) because all such claims are barred by the Christmas Anticipation ’N’ Delivery Yearlong (CANDY) privilege.

It’s true that on November 1, 2023, Santa participated in a Christmas delivery practice run. And it’s true that on that run, Rudolph, the famed reindeer in charge of lighting and sleigh navigation, flew close to a flock of migrating tundra swan, to which (as Santa then learned) Rudolph was allergic.

The series of red-nosed sneezes that ensued caused the sleigh to lurch off course in such a dramatic fashion that, almost immediately, the sleigh took a nosedive in a manner strikingly similar to that of an adult who, waking in the middle of the night and requiring a drink from the kitchen, steps on a child’s stray pile of Legos and crumbles to the floor.

So it was then, in the penumbral hours of November 15, 2023, that Santa, Rudolph, eight additional reindeer (you know, Dasher and Dancer, etc.), and Santa’s sleigh landed, admittedly with a bit more downward thrust than normal, on the roof of Scrooge’s barn, whose roof quivered for a veritable 12.25 seconds before it gave up the proverbial ghost, apparently due to miserly construction shortcuts.