Eschew why, embrace how: Using language to affect outcomes

Words matter—and they matter a lot. One word can make all the difference in the trajectory of communication. Law school teaches you, as Carl Jung remarked, that “to ask the right question is already half the solution to a problem.” Here’s a summary of an October 18, 2021, Harvard Business Review article titled “Stop Asking ‘Why’ and Start Asking ‘How’” by Alan H. Palmer.

Problem with ‘why’

Beginning in childhood, we’re conditioned to believe something’s amiss when we hear “why.” Our parents ask, “Why haven’t you finished your vegetables?” or “Why haven’t you washed your face?” or “Why is your room such a mess?” or “Why are your grades so poor?”

According to Palmer, the repetition of “why” results in the adult belief that we must first understand the reasons behind a problem before we solve it. Let’s look at how this plays out at work:

Boss: “I don’t think you’re quite ready for the promotion.”

You: “Why not?”

Or this one:

Client: “We’ve decided to invite some of your competitors to bid on our business.”

You: “Why is that? What have we done wrong?”