Bit of fun: Post-holiday party settlement agreement

This agreement is entered into by and between The Company and [Employee Name] (“Employee”).

WHEREAS The Company hosted a holiday party on December 2, 2025, which has since come to be known as “The Fiasco”;

WHEREAS Employee claims to have been injured at The Fiasco, whether physically, psychologically, or otherwise; and

WHEREAS The Company contracted with a third party, G. Rinch Works, to identify and provide a “Santa” and “Elves” to entertain employes at The Fiasco but has since learned that the contractor The Company used did not perform appropriate background checks on the “Santa” and “Elves” it provided to The Company;

The parties hereby enter into the following Settlement Agreement:

First, The Company acknowledges, mistakes were made. But we think it’s pretty clear no ill will was intended by The Company, and we’ll explain what we mean.

The “nonalcoholic” punch got spiked. Not by us. If you have a memory of the evening of December 2, then you will remember that The Company made and provided for general consumption a large punch bowl filled with caffeine-free soda mixed with fruit punch and pieces of fruit. However, video surveillance footage has since revealed that the “Elves” arrived with a bottle of (apparently high-proof, tasteless) alcohol and dumped the entire bottle into the bowl when no one was looking. This event precipitated many of the disastrous series of events that followed. Specifically: