Better dating, better networking

With a nod to Ben Franklin, here are two experiences we cannot escape: social dating and career networking. These two are first cousins. So, when I saw an X post by Professor Arthur Brooks (@arthurbeooks) on effective dating, I thought his advice applies with equal relevance to networking.

Five tips

No. 1: It’s natural to be nervous. No one likes to be rejected. So, don’t treat nerves as a sign that something is wrong. Honest trepidation is always better than fake confidence. And know this: It’s likely that the person you are on the date with, or the one you approach at a networking event, is equally as anxious as you are.

No. 2: Approach with curiosity, not evaluation. That’s from the television show Ted Lasso. Put differently, don’t rush to quick conclusions, assuming you can immediately size up the first date or the attendee at the event. As the Persian poet Rumi wisely advised, “Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.”

No. 3: Shift your mindset from “How I use this person” to “How can I learn from this person?” This point flows naturally from No. 2. You date not to impress others (“Oh, look who I’m with!”) or just to have something to do on Saturday night (“Well, at least I’m not alone!”). No one wants to be used as a checklist item.

Same with networking. I was the managing partner of the Dallas office of two national law firms. I am now a professor of law. If I feel exploited, the “relationship” is short.